Why Human Connection in the Workplace is Anything But Common Sense

Why Human Connection in the Workplace is Anything But Common Sense

When Cheryl Samuels FCIPD—Director of People and Culture at Evelina Women & Children's—recently shared her observations on Linked IN about workplace communication, it resonated deeply with me. Cheryl highlighted how many people today rely on emails and messages instead of having face-to-face or phone conversations, questioning whether we are losing the ability to connect.

Her reflections are a powerful reminder of how easy it is to make assumptions or judgments about others' behaviours. It’s tempting to think, “Why wouldn’t they just pick up the phone?” or “Why hasn’t that manager addressed this issue?”

But here’s the truth, what we see as “common sense” is often anything but.

As someone who has spent over a decade working with the human psyche—first in HR and now as a psychotherapist and found of The Mind Solution, I know that human connection, particularly in the workplace, is influenced by far deeper psychological factors than we often realise.

What’s Driving the Disconnect?

From my experience, there are three key reasons why people struggle with human connection at work:

👉🏽 Lack of Self-Awareness
Self-awareness isn’t something we’re born with—it’s cultivated through introspection and inner work. Sadly, most people operate on autopilot.  They have never really looked 'under the hood' at themselves, so are unconscious in the way they show up and interact with people, in all areas of their life.

Even leaders, who are expected to model effective communication, often lack the self-awareness needed to recognise where human connection is essential. Without this understanding, they may unconsciously choose convenience over connection, sending an email instead of having a conversation, or ignoring an issue altogether.  They lack the awareness to consider what someone else needs at an emotional level.

👉🏽 Fear
Fear is a primal, survival-based response that heavily influences behaviour. In the workplace, fear can manifest in many ways:

• A manager might avoid addressing an issue because they’re afraid of making things worse.
• A team member might send an email instead of speaking up because they fear conflict.
• A leader might hesitate to show vulnerability, worried it will undermine their authority.

When fear takes over, avoidance becomes the default. Conversations that require emotional engagement feel unsafe, and the nervous system kicks into fight-or-flight mode, choosing silence or deflection instead.

👉🏽 Trauma and Emotional Avoidance
This is perhaps the most misunderstood factor. Trauma—whether big or small—plays a significant role in shaping how people interact.

When we think of trauma, we often imagine what I call “big T” trauma such as growing up in a household with violence, substance abuse, or neglect. But trauma can also stem from experiences like bullying at school, constant criticism, or bereavement.

These experiences leave a lasting imprint on the nervous system, often leading to what’s known as an emotionally avoidant attachment style. For these individuals, connecting emotionally doesn’t feel safe.

Over the years, I’ve worked with countless individuals who’ve said, “I don’t do emotions.” And without exception, this stems from unresolved trauma. These people have spent years repressing their emotions as a survival mechanism. In the workplace, this means avoiding situations that could trigger emotional discomfort—whether it’s addressing conflict, having difficult conversations, or engaging with a team member’s struggles.

The Legacy of Emotional Immaturity

The reluctance to engage emotionally isn’t just an individual issue—it’s cultural.

In the UK, for instance, we’ve inherited a “stiff upper lip” mentality. For generations, emotions were brushed under the carpet, even in the face of crises. This legacy of emotional suppression has been passed down through families, shaping how people interact at work today.

Many adults in the workplace haven’t had the opportunity—or the safety—to develop emotional intelligence. They haven’t been taught how to process their emotions or respond thoughtfully to challenging situations.

As a result, many leaders and employees:

• Struggle to take accountability and deflect anything away from themselves.
• React defensively to feedback.
• Overreact if they feel challenged.
• Operate from fear or judgment.
• Avoid difficult conversations altogether.
• Lack the ability to read or understand how to meet another person's emotional needs.

Business is ultimately about relationships. And the most important relationship anyone has is the one they have with themselves. If someone hasn’t done any inner work, it will inevitably show up in their day-to-day interactions—both at work and at home.

Why Trauma Needs to Be Addressed

One of my passions is helping people understand trauma and its impact. It’s still a deeply misunderstood topic, particularly in the workplace.

Many leaders think of trauma as a personal issue, disconnected from professional performance. But unresolved trauma shapes how people respond to situations, build relationships and engage with others.

When trauma isn’t addressed, people often operate from outdated “programs” in their minds—automatic patterns of defensiveness, avoidance, or fear. They struggle to connect, both with themselves and others, because their nervous systems are still stuck in survival mode.

This is why I felt so strongly about running the Treating Trauma the Easy Way study in 2024. I wanted to prove that trauma could be processed effectively in a way that doesn’t involve talking about it, reliving it, or even turning on a camera.

The Results Were Mind-Blowing

For World Mental Health Day, I ran two live sessions, bringing together participants from various backgrounds. The results were extraordinary:

• 95% of participants experienced a significant reduction in trauma intensity.
• Some individuals went from rating their trauma as a 10 (most intense) to 0 in under an hour.
• A 9/11 survivor shared that he started the session at 10 and finished at 0—an unimaginable shift.
• Others, who had experienced severe workplace bullying, described the session as a lifeline.

These sessions didn’t just address trauma—they transformed lives.

The method we used works with the superconscious mind, allowing trauma to be processed in a way that feels private and safe. It doesn’t require talking, and it can be done in a group setting.

When trauma is processed, everything changes. People begin to:

• Respond to situations instead of reacting.
• Think more clearly and creatively.
• Feel safer connecting with their emotions.
• Increase their levels of self-awareness.

This is why Treating Trauma the Easy Way is now part of our Employee Wellbeing Platform.

There’s no question that addressing trauma and building emotional intelligence are key to transforming workplace relationships. When we do the inner work, we create the foundation for thriving teams and organisations.

The Path Forward

If we want to foster true connection in the workplace, we need to look beyond surface-level behaviours. Instead of asking, “Why aren’t they doing this?” we need to ask, “What’s driving this behaviour?”

When we replace judgment with curiosity and provide people with the tools to heal and grow, we create environments where connection can truly thrive.

"Connection is why we’re here; it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives."
– Brené Brown

Let’s start creating workplaces where connection, emotional intelligence, and transformation are at the heart of everything we do.